Wild Tangents » humor

Phoenix stories

Marc — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 04:33:03 +0000

I just had to pass along a couple of cute little stories of things that have happened to me this week since I got to Phoenix. Before that, I have to say that this seems to be a really cool town. I’m working on a project at a high tech company. They make parts for computers among other things. I won’t say who it is, but they’re a pretty INTELligent company. It turns out that instead of being here two weeks and very busy, I’ll be here four weeks. I have quite a few friends here, who I look forward to meeting up with while I’m out here. Anyway, on to the stories.

The first happened Sunday. I know, I should be home on the weekends. But initially it sounded like I was going to be very busy. So I decided if I could find a good flight I would fly out Sunday afternoon. Well, I couldn’t find one. Everything seemed to be too expensive, so I decided to just go ahead and fly out on Monday morning. The problem is our travel agency’s new website has the worst user interface I have ever seen. I am not exaggerating there either. So instead of changing the flight search from Sunday afternoon to Monday morning, I ended up changing it to Sunday morning. No hilarity ensued. So here I am getting into Phoenix at 1025 Sunday morning.

UGH!

Anyway, I told you all that to let you know what kind of state of mind I was in when I stopped by a grocery store to pick up some bottled water. It’s the desert, so I figured it would probably be a good idea to keep hydrated. I stopped at a grocery store called “Fry’s Food”. In case you are asking the same question I was, I think they are somehow related to the electronics store. As I was paying for my Aquafina, they of course asked me if I had me “Fry’s Food Club Card”. As I ALWAYS do when I am out of town and am asked for such a card, I replied with “I have my Kroger Card”. Like I said, I always say that. It’s just my way of amusing myself. The really funny thing is that Fry’s Food is owned by Kroger. Yes, they took my Kroger card, swiped it and it worked. Now in my half dazed, “I’ve been up since 3:30am central time and it’s now 2:00pm pacific time” mental state, that was just very surreal.

So I’m sure now you’re wondering if that was both my stories or just one. I hate to break it to you, but I’m not finished.

I noticed on this little listing of local events that Def Leppard is playing here in Phoenix tomorrow night. Big deal right? Well, you see this week I have a shadow. She’s a fresh from college green consultant who I ma supposed to be mentoring. I mentioned the concert to her and guess what she said. “Who?” Now I feel old.

I sudenly regret every time I have said to someone “You mean Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings?”

Technorati Tags: marc, music, Phoenix, travel

Original content Copyright 2007 Marc Smith
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I am such a thief

Marc — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 11:45:39 +0000

I found a website yesterday that had songs by rapper “50-cent” on it. I downloaded one of the songs and then immediately deleted it. Why? I’m not fond of this guy’s work. No, I didn’t even listen to it. I didn’t want to listen to it. I just downloaded it for one reason. I just wanted to go around tell people that “I stole fifty cents”.

I thought it was funny….

Please don’t hurt me…..

Technorati Tags: humor, music, hiphop, rap, web

Original content Copyright 2007 Marc Smith
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Speaking of rednecks, I hope this doesn’t mean I have to turn in my membership card

Marc — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 00:53:17 +0000

I just took this test. The results are below. Since it’s described as a racism test, I guess it means I hate “white people”. I’m not sure.

I guess it makes sense in way since the wife isn’t “white”, but the mom is…..I just don’t know…..

Technorati Tags: racism, redneck

$400 haircut, heck I haven’t even spent $14 for a haircut

Marc — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 12:51:26 +0000

Right leaning people everywhere are making light of the fact that presidential candidate John Edwards has spent $400 for a haircut.

Somehow I don’t think my haircutting habits would float in the presidential race either. As the wife keeps reminding me, I need a haircut really bad. So it seems that while John Edwards is willing to pay $400 for a cut and style, I won’t even pay $14…

Technorati Tags: news, politics, humor

Sit-coms, so simple cavemen could do them

Marc — Sat, 03 Mar 2007 20:19:10 +0000

It should be well known that my favorite commercials out right now are the Gieco caveman commercials. They use situation comedy to explain how easy it is to buy car insurance on their website with the phrase “So easy, a cave man could do it”. As it turns out they cavemen out there get a little upset and go on the news or talk to their therapists about it. These commercials are so funny and in a way endearing that ABC has decided to chronicle the exploits of these cavemen as they fight prejudice and stereotypes in a new sit-com. There’s not much in the way of details yet, but SCI FI Wire has a quick write up.

ABC has plans to turn a series of quirky commercials for insurance provider Geico which revolve around a number of indignant cavemen into a half-hour comedy pilot, Variety reported. Taking its cue from the ads, Cavemen centers on three prehistoric men who must battle prejudice as they attempt to live as normal 30-somethings in modern Atlanta.

The Atlanta location just makes it more interesting.

This one is either going to be brilliant or suck rotten eggs. I looking forward to seeing how it turns out and if Tina’s worth all the fuss….

Technorati Tags: Atlanta, humor, pop, comedy, tv

So easy, a caveman could do it

Marc — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 14:57:14 +0000

Normally I would post something like this, but it’s just too clever….

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Technorati Tags: humor, politics, tv

French protest the New year

Marc — Mon, 01 Jan 2007 22:11:02 +0000

You have to admit they do have a sense of humor…..

Technorati Tags: French, humor, news, France, web

I know that Da Vinci code’s around here somewhere…..

Marc — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 16:03:13 +0000

I hope it’s not in the same place as those WMDs, then I’m really screwed.

Braves cap tip to Engadget for finding the image.

Technorati Tags: humor, pop

NEWS FLASH!!!! Britney calls it quits for sure with K-Fed now!

Marc — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 01:50:25 +0000

If anyone had any hope that Britney and Kevin would be getting back together, that hope is smothered now.
From the article:

Britney Spears has removed K-Fed from her MySpace friends list.

Being removed from someone’s Myspace friend list is the end of the world. I know this for a fact because I was removed Avil Lavigne’s list. It hurt so bad. I thought I would never be able to move on. But eventually I got to be added to the friend list for Murphy’s Bar in Memphis. Now I can drown all my sorrows in nice pint of Guinness.

Technorati Tags: Britney, K-Fed, music, pop, news

Why Eccleson quit Doctor Who

Marc — Sat, 18 Nov 2006 23:01:50 +0000

I had no idea the English northerners were as serious about being northern as us American southerners are about being southern. It might be hard to follow some of the humor here unless you’re a fan of British Sci-Fi and Star Trek. In case you don’t get it, it’s marvelous.

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The bit about the Ferengi ears had me on the floor rolling…..

Anyway, I’m can’t really say I was sorry to see him go, especially now that David Tennant has shown himself to be so excellent in the role. It’s not some much I didn’t like Eccleson, I just feel he didn’t bring any real eccentric magic tot he character.

Technorati Tags: drwho, humor, scifi, tv

“Doctor Who – The Complete First Series” (BBC Warner)

“Doctor Who – The Complete Second Series” (BBC Warner)

The true history of the spread of Islam

Marc — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 19:26:49 +0000

One of my favorite priestly blogs is written by a Fr. Martin Fox in Ohio. I just had to mention this post. It presents a (note a “a” and not “the”) Catholic perspective on the history of the spread of Islam. Here’s the start of it:

Sadly, all was peaceful and a garden of delights for the peaceful prophet and his followers until suddenly, one day in the 7th century, the armies of Byzantium, led by the pope, landed at Acre and marched to Arabia, and at the point of the sword, demanded the prophet (blessed be he!) comply to their outrageous demands. The peaceloving followers of the great prophet gathered around to witness the shocking scene:”You are the prophet of Islam?”

“Yes.”

“We demand that you invade our lands; form armies and sweep across North Africa; then we will gladly renounce our faith and become Muslim,” bellowed Pope Leo the Great.

It only gets better..

Go give it a read.

Best thing to do to telemarketers? Make it too terrifying for them to call you

Marc — Fri, 20 Oct 2006 05:08:44 +0000

It’s odd. I work for a company that makes it’s money off call centers. Granted the majority of our customers are not telemarketers, but some are. Even still, I hate them all with a passion. No, I don’t hate the people that call. I don’t hate any person. But I do hate the companies they work for. So I have to say I was more than a little amused to hear this one guys treatment of a telemarketer who called his house. Now some people might think the treatment is a little harsh, but anyone who intrudes into someone else’s home is asking for trouble anyway.

Before you click on the link below, be aware that the audio is somewhat “PG-13″ and is probably NSFW. But then again, you should be working at work and not reading my blog!

Audio: Bob_and_Tom_-_Telemarketer_Nightmare – Some Catchy Title

Did Sawyer say “fish biscuit”?

Marc — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 03:12:01 +0000

In the last episode of Lost (aired 10/11/06), Sawyer offered Kate whaat he called a “fish biscuit”. Now everyone is calling it a “fish biscuit”. But I wonder. Is that it really? I mean we don’t call what’s to the right a “bone biscuit” do we? So why call it a “fish biscuit”, just because it’s shaped like a fish? I think we should just call it a “bear biscuit”. So like others in the past, I want to make sure we call things what they’re supposed to be called. Please call it a “polar-bear biscuit”. Don’t make me come over there. Don’t make me turn this into a crusade!

Who’s that Doctor in Distress? Who Cares!

Marc — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 02:47:14 +0000

I was reading this the other day. Steven talks about some record he had that he played over and over again in his youth (in the 80′s). For some reason it reminded me of Doctor in Distress, which was an ill conceived effort to save the BBC programe (isn’t that they way those people spell it?) “Doctor Who” while was on hiatus and was possibly to be canceled in 1985. Even though this song was recorded, the show did come back. It wouldn’t be canceled for another four years. This song however seems to live on. I remember it well too. I had a copy of the single. I have tried to forget it and hadn’t thought about it until reading Steven’s post. Well, I can’t keep it myself. I feel I must inflict it on all you reading this. So without delay, here is “Doctor in Distress”.

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Yes, it’s a bloody video. I tried to find an MP3, but all I found was this, which doesn’t seem to be there anymore. Besides, the video “enhances” the experience anyway. Enjoy!

What if the airlines were honest during the safety briefing?

Marc — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 01:20:49 +0000

This is a cute thing. What if there was truth in flying? Here’s an excerpt from the pre-flight safety briefing on the fictional “Veritas Airlines”. I would fly them, especially if they didn’t tell the lies the other airlines tell.

GOOD morning, ladies and gentlemen. We are delighted to welcome you aboard Veritas Airways, the airline that tells it like it is. Please ensure that your seat belt is fastened, your seat back is upright and your tray-table is stowed. At Veritas Airways, your safety is our first priority. Actually, that is not quite true: if it were, our seats would be rear-facing, like those in military aircraft, since they are safer in the event of an emergency landing. But then hardly anybody would buy our tickets and we would go bust.

The whole thing is pretty amusing. Read the whole thing here, and have a nice flight.

The truth about aliens at Roswell

Marc — Sun, 03 Sep 2006 00:21:23 +0000

Not only has a government agency admitted to finding aliens in Roswell, they’ve put out a press release on it…

The Great Seal of WildTangents.net

Marc — Fri, 01 Sep 2006 15:57:54 +0000

To the ~~left~~ right (the other left) you’ll see a neat little thing I created over at the Seal Generator.

The Seal Generator a neat little web app that allows you create a seal for any occasion, organization or other entity. It has plenty of features including color pickers for all the colors in your seal, pop-up windows for choosing the emblem (in my case a seal, go figure) and boarder and multiple fonts for the text.

They also have an area at the bottom where you can order stickers and magnets with your seal on them. It’s pretty cool. Go check it out.

My favorite commercial

Marc — Tue, 15 Aug 2006 02:47:37 +0000

I love this one….

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I also like the Vonage commercials, especially the one with the guy in the lobster suit getting stuck in the revolving door.

I do not like any of the Burger King commercials though. I’m especially creeped out by the Burger King dude (if I ever wake up with him in my bed, I’ll be checking myself in into an institution). The “big bucking chicken” and the “maybe I do want to be a french fry” chicken don’t really help either. Yup, I’m afraid I’ve had my last Whopper.

Zarqawi is dead

Marc — Fri, 09 Jun 2006 11:47:08 +0000

Of course everyone has heard that Zarqawi has been killed in an air strike. Reports say couple of smart bombs were dropped on a the house he was staying in. What isn’t widely reported is the is the rumor that he almost got away. The rumor has it he heard the bombs coming and tried to escape the house. Unfortunately for Zarqawi, the door of the house jammed and his aides could not get it opened for him in time.

The world is still here and all is well

Marc — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 13:26:42 +0000

Well, the nefarious date 6/6/06 has come and gone and we’re all still here. Does this mean we need to wait until 3006 for the remake of Omen 2? Is that long enough to wait? I say no. Hopefully it … Continue reading →